The Churchianity Manifesto

The mission of this blog is to find, investigate, castigate, and ridicule each and every instance of Churchianity that can be found.

Churchianity is the idiot’s version of Christianity. Imagine, for example, the Chicago Bears football team. Now imagine the guy in the stands, wearing a Bears jersey, with his head shaved and a helmet painted on, with a Dick Butkus tattoo on his back, who “psyches” himself up before each game and uses the personal pronoun “we” when discussing the Bears. The difference between the Chicago Bears football team and the Chicago Bears football fan is the difference between Christianity and Churchianity. 

The author understands that some people do not like Christianity, and that he can’t necessarily change their minds. However, the author would prefer that if one is going to hate Christianity, that one would do so with regard to Christianity’s exclusive claim to salvation and not for, say, the Crusades or (God help us) the Tea Party in the United States. Feel free to hate Jesus based on His claims to Godhood; don’t feel free to hate Jesus because some idiot in a Jesus tee shirt decided to carry an offensive sign at a funeral.

This blog will probably piss off a lot of people in the church, many of whom will be pissed by my rather casual use of the word “piss,” even though the word appears in the King James Bible (1 Sam. 25:22, to be exact). I’m not sorry about that. Churchians are the kind of idiots that allow any discussion on the merits of the Bible to devolve into dinosaur debates, calendar “proofs,” whether there was a Lilith before there was an Eve, or any number of subjects that are not directly addressed or indirectly implied by the scriptures.

If you really want to believe that the Bible is unscientific, or that the Bible cribbed from the Zoroastrians or the Epic of Gilgamesh, go right ahead. These guys are better at defending the Bible in that manner than I could ever be, and one should probably direct all such inquiries to that particular space.

This blog exists to correct misinterpretations of the rules of Christianity, the kind of misinterpretations that lead to Churchianity. Put it this way: imagine Texas hold ‘em poker. Now imagine someone being angry that one isn’t allowed to take a card from another player, like one can in Go Fish. The problem isn’t Texas hold ‘em poker, nor is it Go Fish, but rather that one would insist that someone should play Texas Hold ‘em poker like one would play Go Fish. In the same sense, this space will be dedicated to addressing various misinterpretations of the rules of Christianity, from within and from without.

In other words, whether one agrees with Christianity’s claims or not, one can’t say that it doesn’t exist. This blog will operate from the position that Christianity exists, that it has rules, that those rules are not contradictory, and that they can be understood. All Churchianism will be found, identified, and destroyed.

This blog will also address pretty much whatever happens to cross the author’s mind at a given moment…which could be anythingImage

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